Carry on Communities
Act 3 : The Witch of Worcester
Draft 1

Our heroes arrive at the Office of the Witch of Worcester (or OWoW) and she greets them warmly. "The thralls of Tescograd are already overthrown, and Worcester is re-emerging from the repressions of Comrade Terry. Well done friends ! My potion will keep Mr Prescott and his team in a state of hibernation for some time, during which the rest of your mission is to be accomplished. The Big Clunking Fist must also be disarmed, and the Blair Wizard put in a place where he can do no further harm, either to our own country or the wider world. My task this morning is to brief you both fully. But first, let me provide you with some refreshments".

Simon Hobbit became slightly nervous at the mention of refreshments, but Boris Cat reassured him that there was no danger to them."The Witch is probably this country's most powerful intelligence official. Think of her as a sort of M, like in the James Bond films. Her circle had reason to believe that some terrible conspiracy was afoot when Humphrey the Cat - one of the Witch's officers - mysteriously disappeared from 10 Downing Street. When he reappeared in the Home Counties later, he was but a shadow of his former self, and the Witch suspected that someone had poisoned him. Retirement was then the only option for Humphrey, poor fellow. Since then, the Witch has co-ordinated a group of counter-conspirators, under cover of operating a natural healing centre for people and animals in Worcester...".

At this point, the Witch re-entered the room and laughed as she detected Boris had been providing Simon with some background on her. "Boris and I go back a long way", she said, "but as we haven't much time and much to accomplish, let me focus on present matters. A special inquiry is currently underway into the possibility that androids have infiltrated the government of the Big Clunking Fist. In fact, I know this to be the case. A number of the so-called "Babes" of the Blair Wizard - really female androids - have been running important parts of government, in conjunction with their android advisers for some time. They switched allegiance - they can be easily re-programmed with a replacement microchip- when the Big Clunking Fist overthrew the Blair Wizard. You can probably imagine the identity of these androids, but I want you to focus on the re-programming of just a few who hold key roles in relation to the Department for Communities and Local Government (or the Communities Department as it likes to be known).

With these words, the Witch issued Simon and Boris with what appeared to be the equipment of professional make-up artists. She continued : "These political female androids are professionally made up everyday. Before you leave OWoW, I will issue you with two female android make-up artists. I have programmed these myself, so I know that they are the best in the business. They can easily alter their appearance, so will look like the make-up artists normally use by the android politicians and their advisers. One makeover should be enough to re-programme these "ladies" with new and more appropriate policies and policy recommendations"

The Witch continued : "As these androids hold such key positions in the Big Clunking Fist's government, their reprogramming will effectively disable him, and also prevent the Blair Wizard from ever again assuming power. Our metaphysicians will then undo the spell of the "Big Clunking Fist" (another ill-fated project of the Blair Wizard) and release former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr Gordon Brown, from the evil giant's body. We will then return Mr Brown to his Scottish countryman for safe custody and a quiet retirement on some remote island, where he might decide to become a minister of the church and undertake some worthwhile charitable projects. With regard to the Blair Wizard, I will issue you with instructions for his safe disposal, when you have successfully re-programmed the androids..."

Our heroes Simon and Boris duly facilitated the makeover and subsequent re-programming of key female androids linked to DCLG. The outcome of this is even more miraculous than the transformation which accompanied their administration of the Witch of Worcester's potion at the erstwhile Court of the Red Tar. Worcester and Worcestershire now reflect an exemplary and environmentally sustainable land-use planning system which is being adopted throughout the world. Sustainable regeneration and communities are a reality. The model of the non-polluting ecosystem, which recycles all waste materials, has at last been adopted. Regeneration of human and animal habitats is underway. Historic buildings and environments are respected and restored. Manufacturing has been revitalised as the green economy goes from strength to strength. People feel new meaning in their lives, and many social "diseases" have all but disappeared. There is much greater equality amongst people - but diversity is genuinely welcome - and everyone feels better for this. However, there is still more work to be done.

To be continued @ www.the-green-man-project.blogspot on 22.12.2006